Our words have value
While most of us have heard this and inherently, many of us know this, we may not practice making our words matter as much as we think we do.
Have you ever been around someone who doesn’t speak a lot and when they do, you find yourself really focused in on what they’re saying? Because usually what they say is very meaningful.
It is some of those quiet, shy people that I find myself becoming most intrigued by.
The best analogy I can come up for with understanding the value of our words as parents and teachers is the parallel between work and money. Most of us protect our money closely. We wouldn’t go throwing our money around in the middle of the parking lot or grocery store or playground. We know how valuable money is.
If we think about words as having that same level of value, why don’t we guard our words as closely?
Many of us have gone to bed at night regretting something we said in a specific situation. Most of us have felt like we have "lectured" or "rambled" with our kids or partners.
But when we do this, our words lose value. Our kids stop listening. We set a precedence that other people don't need to listen to us because we are just rambling anyway.
What if we where to use our words just like we do with money? Rather than throwing all sorts of words around the parking lot, grocery store, or playground... what do we need to do to focus on the value of what we are saying?
If you feel like your spouse, friend, or child simply tunes you out, we need to go back, hone in and make your words matter again! To do this, you could start with a few things.
First, decide what is important to share. My husband told me early in our relationship that I had a tendency to share WAY too many details when I would tell a story. In his defense, many of my stories would take 4-8 minutes to share, but I REALLY wanted for him to have the entire backstory and everything that was happening. And so initially, I was somewhat taken aback by this feedback. I thought I was helping him understand my viewpoint. However, as I reflected, I realized that my attempt to "give the whole story" was too much information for him. So as I have practiced sharing with him, I have been strategic about which details are the most important to share, keeping many of my rambling stories to less than 2-3 minutes. From there, we can have a back-and-forth dialogue about my story - rather than me rambling and him tuning me out!
Second, decide what your goal really is. In working with parents over the years, I have witnessed countless "lessons" being learned in my therapy room. The child will do something the parent dislikes and then lecture the child on why the behavior was inappropriate.
Third, less really is more. As a college teacher, I frequently tell my students that being concise is a skill. Focus on what you want to say, and find a clear and concise way of saying it. Your friends and family (and students!) will thank you. ;)
So the question for you is:
How will you spend your words today? How will your words have value in your relationships?